Things I will never understand

And no, this isn’t an attempt to stick in more toilet pictures. Totally unrelated subjects (although I will also never understand why you’d want to risk electrocution like that).

I wandered into the local gift shop today and was amazed. I don’t fully understand the present etiquette here, but it’s obviously much more refined than dumping a bunch of gaudily wrapped items next to a birthday cake once a year. So they have a store devoted entirely to suitable gift items and the wrapping thereof. Some are your standard knickknacks and dust collectors – picture frames, vases, figurines and the like. Others are kitchen items like nice pots or small appliances. And then there are the gift boxes – think of these as our gift baskets but with completely random stuff in them. I saw some standards, like a collection of coffees or teas. Odder things like assorted exotic juices or canned fruit still looked pretty good. The lifetime supply of soy sauce or deep-frying oil ... that definitely falls into the “gee grandma, you really shouldn’t have” category. But the one that defies ALL bounds was the beautifully wrapped box of 24 tiny cans of spam (for only $25 too!). I mean, just what do you say after unwrapping that?

Pickles. Now, in the US, the term “pickle” generally refers to a cucumber that’s been soaked in vinegar and salt for a while. There are different spices and recipes, but in general it’s green and looks vaguely cucumber-like. You can have pickled other things too (like the pickled garlic that comes in the bottom of a jar of dill pickles), but it’s rare and generally also looks a lot like the original vegetable. The Japanese, on the other hand, will pickle anything and everything that doesn’t run through the kitchen fast enough. And the pickling process almost always involves more Easter egg dye than the average American kid uses in a lifetime. So the end result is this fantastically colored food that bears absolutely no resemblance to what it started out life as. They come as cubes, rectangles, rounds, half-rounds, and squiggles. They come in bright yellow, neon orange, emerald green, fuchsia, and I even got a plain old boring white one today. The flavors are also varied, although most are very salty. My personal favorite are the fuchsia-colored squiggles that taste every so slightly of salty tea leaves.

Japanese tv. You think our tv programming is bad, you have seen nothing yet. Granted I don’t understand what they’re saying, but near as I can figure out, all shows are either game shows, daytime talk shows, news, or sappy movies. Oh – and anime. And some of it defies description. Like today – there was a man dressed in a black pants suit and heels showing two women (also in heels) how to walk in a straight line. Don’t ask, I don’t know.

It’s a non-uncommon sight to watch a dog who has been peacefully slumbering in a heap somewhere suddenly perk up his ears, get up, and trot off down the street. The ones I’ve seen generally come back a little while later and resume the heap state without there being any evidence of any motion ever. Are the Japanese dogs trained to take themselves for walks? Where do they hide the pooper scooper then? Or is there a doggie toilet with paw-sized buttons somewhere?

I’ve seen about a dozen cats here now. All but 2 have only had ½ a tail. Why?

What could possibly convince a grown man, out of sight and earshot and reach of his wife/girl friend, to walk around with a little “hello kitty” stuffed toy attached to his cell phone?

Can anyone translate this for real? I find it hard to believe that they’re really breeding the next godzilla right here in sleepy little Omiya.