Typical Japanese

There are some things (words, gestures, phrases) that I have come to associate with the Japanese. Some of them I was told about before I got here - like taking off your shoes before entering a house, bowing instead of shaking hands, or slurping your noodles. Others have been discovered gradually.

Silence is not golden here - people pretty much talk non-stop outside the office. Like the checkout girl in the grocery store who will recite the price of every purchase in a sing-song voice (which lulls you to sleep so when she gets to the total at the end, you look like a complete fool because you’re not ready). If someone’s telling you something, you’re supposed to complete the rhythm by acknowledging just about every sentence verbally. Note that if someone does this to you, it does not mean that they agree or even understand what you’re saying. Just that they heard something they acknowledge to be language.

“No” is indicated by fluttering your hand in front of your face, much the way we would pantomime a bad smell. Sucking in air through your teeth indicates disapproval (not sure if it’s polite or not, but the guys at work do it a lot with me). Crossing your forearms in an X means something along the lines of “absolutely not” or “forbidden” – it’s a sign you’ll get if you’ve pushed your gaijin license too far.

The epitome of polite is to anticipate the other’s every need (for instance, order your companion’s favorite brand of beer and pour for him – btw, you never pour your own drink here). Perhaps because of this, people do expect a routine. Particularly, once something is agreed on, it might as well be written in stone (for instance, don’t ever give someone a “tentative” schedule – the concept doesn’t translate). As a co-worker put it, the Japanese find change “difficult.”

A woman’s demeanor. This one is hard to explain. Think of it as spending your entire life cringing in fear of getting hit. And now teach that to your daughter and her daughter and her daughter. It’s not like there’s any need for it now, it’s just the way things are. Duck your head down and to the side so you never look anyone straight in the eye. Cover the lower half of your face with your hand when you laugh or smile. And there are no large motions– whether step size, arm gesture, or laugh - it’s all dainty and graceful (except for dragging the heels of your slipper/shoes when you walk - that’s just plain annoying).

Oddly enough, in a regular mix of people, I’m not that tall here. True, the grandparent generation is short – they rarely reach my shoulder. And most of them really do walk bent at the waist until the torso is parallel to the ground (I don’t know whether they all did hard manual labor when they were younger and the bent over posture is just more comfortable, or if the lack of dairy has resulted in an entire population with osteoporosis). The parent generation is a little taller – maybe to my shoulder or chin. But my generation is about my height. The women are certainly shorter, but the men are usually as tall if not taller. But while Japan has its share of overweight people (particularly the young kids), I outweigh most people. They all look like a stiff breeze would blow them away.

All this makes me feel like the giant barbarian I’m perceived to be. I’m used to not having any verbal tact, but I’m not used to physically feeling like the proverbial bull in a china shop.